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Cock and ball torture

Cock and ball torture from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia at en.wikipedia.org. Cock and ball torture, CBT, is a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals. This may involve directly painful activities such as wax play, genital spanking, squeezing, ball busting, genital flogging, urethera play, tickle torture, erotic electro stimulation, or even kicking. The recipient of such activities may receive direct physical pleasure via masochism through knowledge that the play is pleasing to a sadistic dominant. Image: electro stimulation applied on a penis. Contents Section 1: In pornography Section 2: Ball stretcher Section 3: Parachute Section 4: Humbler Section 5: Testicle Cuff Section 1: In pornography. In addition to it's occational role in BDSM pornography, temakeria, literally ball kicking, is a separate genre in Japan. One notable actress in temakeria is Erika Negai, who typically uses her martial art skills to knee or kick men in the testicles. Section 2: Ball stretcher. A ball stretcher is a sex toy that is fastened around a man in order to elongate the scrotum, and provide a feeling of weight, pulling the testicles away from the body. While leather stretchers are most common, other models are made of steel rings that are fastened with screws causing additional, mildly uncomfortable weight to the wearer. The length of the stretchers may very from 1-4 inches, and the steel models can weigh up to 5 pounds. Section 3: Parachute. A parachute is a small collar usually made from leather which fastens around the scrotum, and from which weights can be hung. Conical is shape, with 3 or 4 short chains having beneath to which weight can be applied. Used as part of cock and ball torture within a BDSM relationship, the parachute provides a constant drag and squeezing affect on man's testicles. Moderate weights of 3 to 5 kilograms can be suspended especially during bondage. Smaller weights can be used when the man is free to move when the swinging effect of the weight can restrict sudden movements as well as providing a visual stimulus for the dominant partner. Section 4: Humbler. A Humbler is a BDSM physical restraint device used to restrict the movement of a submissive male partner in a BDSM scene. The Humbler consists of a testicle cuff device that clamps around the base of the scrotum mounted in the center of a bar that passes behind the thighs at the base of the buttox. This forces the wearer to keep his legs forward as any attempt to straighten the legs even slightly pulls directly on the scrotum causing from considerable discomfort to extreme pain. Section 5: Testicle Cuff. A testicle cuff is a ring shape device around the scrotum between the body and the testicles such that when closed, it does not allow the testicles to pass through it. A common type has two connected cuffs. One for the scrotum and one for the base of the penis. They are one of many different gadgets for restraining the male genitalia. Also a standard pad lock may be locked around the scrotum and without the key, the man may not be able to remove it. Some men enjoy the feeling of being owned. And some people enjoy the feeling of owning their partners. Making the man wear testicle cuffs gives a sense that his sexual organs belong to his partner. Equally, there is a certain level of humiliation inherit in the devices by which some people are sexually aroused. Finally, the cuffs may form part of a sexual fetish of the wearer or his partner.

Infinite cum

You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates.

Travis Scott apology

🤦🏿‍♂️i'm🤦🏿‍♂️ honestly🤦🏿‍♂️ just🤦🏿‍♂️ devastated🤦🏿‍♂️, i 🤦🏿‍♂️could 🤦🏿‍♂️never 🤦🏿‍♂️imagine🤦🏿‍♂️ any 🤦🏿‍♂️of 🤦🏿‍♂️this🤦🏿‍♂️ just 🤦🏿‍♂️happening. 🤦🏿‍♂️i 🤦🏿‍♂️just 🤦🏿‍♂️wanna🤦🏿‍♂️ send🤦🏿‍♂️ out 🤦🏿‍♂️prayers 🤦🏿‍♂️to 🤦🏿‍♂️the 🤦🏿‍♂️ones🤦🏿‍♂️ that 🤦🏿‍♂️was🤦🏿‍♂️ lost 🤦🏿‍♂️last 🤦🏿‍♂️night🤦🏿‍♂️. we 🤦🏿‍♂️are 🤦🏿‍♂️actually 🤦🏿‍♂️working 🤦🏿‍♂️right 🤦🏿‍♂️now🤦🏿‍♂️ to🤦🏿‍♂️ identify🤦🏿‍♂️ the🤦🏿‍♂️ families 🤦🏿‍♂️so 🤦🏿‍♂️we 🤦🏿‍♂️can🤦🏿‍♂️ help🤦🏿‍♂️ assist 🤦🏿‍♂️them🤦🏿‍♂️ during🤦🏿‍♂️ this 🤦🏿‍♂️tough 🤦🏿‍♂️time. 🤦🏿‍♂️you 🤦🏿‍♂️now, 🤦🏿‍♂️my🤦🏿‍♂️ fans🤦🏿‍♂️ mean 🤦🏿‍♂️the 🤦🏿‍♂️world🤦🏿‍♂️ to🤦🏿‍♂️ me🤦🏿‍♂️ and🤦🏿‍♂️ i 🤦🏿‍♂️always🤦🏿‍♂️ just 🤦🏿‍♂️really🤦🏿‍♂️ wanna🤦🏿‍♂️ leave 🤦🏿‍♂️them 🤦🏿‍♂️with 🤦🏿‍♂️a 🤦🏿‍♂️positive 🤦🏿‍♂️experience 🤦🏿‍♂️and 🤦🏿‍♂️any 🤦🏿‍♂️time🤦🏿‍♂️ i🤦🏿‍♂️ could🤦🏿‍♂️ make 🤦🏿‍♂️out 🤦🏿‍♂️anything🤦🏿‍♂️ that's🤦🏿‍♂️ going 🤦🏿‍♂️on,🤦🏿‍♂️ you 🤦🏿‍♂️know 🤦🏿‍♂️like🤦🏿‍♂️ stop🤦🏿‍♂️ the🤦🏿‍♂️ show 🤦🏿‍♂️and🤦🏿‍♂️ let 🤦🏿‍♂️them🤦🏿‍♂️ get 🤦🏿‍♂️the 🤦🏿‍♂️help 🤦🏿‍♂️they 🤦🏿‍♂️need. 🤦🏿‍♂️i 🤦🏿‍♂️could 🤦🏿‍♂️just 🤦🏿‍♂️never 🤦🏿‍♂️imagine🤦🏿‍♂️ the🤦🏿‍♂️ severity 🤦🏿‍♂️of 🤦🏿‍♂️the 🤦🏿‍♂️situation. 🤦🏿‍♂️we🤦🏿‍♂️ are 🤦🏿‍♂️working 🤦🏿‍♂️closely 🤦🏿‍♂️with 🤦🏿‍♂️everyone 🤦🏿‍♂️and🤦🏿‍♂️ just 🤦🏿‍♂️trynna 🤦🏿‍♂️get 🤦🏿‍♂️to 🤦🏿‍♂️the🤦🏿‍♂️ bottom 🤦🏿‍♂️of 🤦🏿‍♂️this,🤦🏿‍♂️ just🤦🏿‍♂️ city🤦🏿‍♂️ of🤦🏿‍♂️ houston, 🤦🏿‍♂️fire 🤦🏿‍♂️department, 🤦🏿‍♂️you 🤦🏿‍♂️know, 🤦🏿‍♂️everyone 🤦🏿‍♂️to 🤦🏿‍♂️help🤦🏿‍♂️ us 🤦🏿‍♂️figure 🤦🏿‍♂️this🤦🏿‍♂️ out. 🤦🏿‍♂️if 🤦🏿‍♂️you 🤦🏿‍♂️have🤦🏿‍♂️ any 🤦🏿‍♂️information🤦🏿‍♂️ please 🤦🏿‍♂️contact 🤦🏿‍♂️the🤦🏿‍♂️ local 🤦🏿‍♂️autorities. 🤦🏿‍♂️everyone🤦🏿‍♂️ please 🤦🏿‍♂️continue 🤦🏿‍♂️to 🤦🏿‍♂️keep 🤦🏿‍♂️the🤦🏿‍♂️ prayers. 🤦🏿‍♂️i'm 🤦🏿‍♂️honestly 🤦🏿‍♂️just 🤦🏿‍♂️devastated,🤦🏿‍♂️ i 🤦🏿‍♂️could🤦🏿‍♂️ never 🤦🏿‍♂️imagine 🤦🏿‍♂️anything🤦🏿‍♂️ like🤦🏿‍♂️ this🤦🏿‍♂️ just 🤦🏿‍♂️happening.🤦🏿‍♂️ i'm🤦🏿‍♂️ gonna 🤦🏿‍♂️do 🤦🏿‍♂️anything 🤦🏿‍♂️i 🤦🏿‍♂️can🤦🏿‍♂️ to🤦🏿‍♂️ keep 🤦🏿‍♂️you 🤦🏿‍♂️guys🤦🏿‍♂️ updated.🤦🏿‍♂️ just🤦🏿‍♂️ keep🤦🏿‍♂️ you 🤦🏿‍♂️guys 🤦🏿‍♂️informed🤦🏿‍♂️ on 🤦🏿‍♂️what's 🤦🏿‍♂️going🤦🏿‍♂️ on. love 🤦🏿‍♂️you 🤦🏿‍♂️all.🤦🏿‍♂️

LOSING ALL MY SOCIAL CREDIT SPEEDRUN

LOSING ALL MY SOCIAL CREDIT SPEEDRUN FUCK THE CCP TAIWAN IS A COUNTRY FREE TIBET UYGHUR GENOCIDE TIANANMEN SQUARE MASSACRE I PLAY GAMES MORE THAN 3 HOURS A DAY HAVING MORE THAN 2 KIDS IS COOL USA > WEST TAIWAN -10000000 SOCIAL CREDIT LETS GOOOOOOO

NO MOMMY NOT THERE

*thrusts me against a table* "sorry mommy I've been a bad little boy don't punish me 🥺" *smacks ass* "ouhhhh THAT HURTS MOMMY" sticks hands between legs and viciously strokes my cock "hmmmm that feels good 🥴" *Squeezes balls firmly* "NO MOMMY NOT THERE" *bursts ball sack*

Don’t care didn’t ask

Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + 🤡🤡🤡 + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + 💅💅💅 + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + 🤢🤢🤮🤮 + the cognitive dissonance is real with this one + small dick energy + 😂😂🤣🤣 + lol copium + snowflake + 🚩🚩🚩 + those tears taste delicious + Lisa Simpson meme template saying that your opinion is wrong + 😒🙄🧐🤨 + wojak meme in which I'm the chad + average your opinion fan vs average my opinion enjoyer + random k-pop fancam + cry more + how's your wife's boyfriend doing + Cheetos breath + Intelligence 0 + r/whooooosh + r/downvotedtooblivion + blocked and reported + yo Momma so fat + I fucked your mom last night + what zero pussy does to a mf + Jesse what the fuck are you talking about + holy shit go touch some grass + cry about it + get triggered

Jedi Sex Workers

you ever think about how force users would be the best sex workers ever? they could use force choke or force lightning on their kinky clients, while giving force handjobs to more normal ones. they could also use the force to enhance their sexual abilities, and use the force to enlarge their sexual organs. they could even cause orgasm with the force if they wanted to, imagine yoda's massive 24 inch throbbing green cock he hid beneath that robe of his, Obi-Wan Kenobi? More like Obi-Wan CanBlowMe. Anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

So, you're Italian? Name every pasta!

barbine, bavette, bigoli, bucatini, busiate, capellini, fedellini, ferrazzuoli, fettuccine, fileja, linguine, lagane, lasagna, lasagnette, lasagnotte, maccheroni alla molinara. maccheroncini di campofilone mafalde, matriciani, pappardelle, perciatteli, picagge, pici, pillus, rustiche, sagne 'ncannulate, scialatelli, spaghetti, spagetthi alla chitarra, spaghettini, spaghettoni, stringozzi, su filindeu, tagliatelle, taglierini, trenette, tripoline, vermicelli, ziti, anelli, boccoli, calamarata, campanelle, cappeli da chef, casarecce, casacatelli, castellane, cavatappi, cavatelli, chifferi, cicioneddos, conchiglie, creste di galli, fagioloni, farfalle, fazzoletti, festoni, fiorentine, fiori, fusilli, fusilli bucati, garganelli, gemelli, gnocchi, lanterne, lorighittas, macaroni, maccheroncelli, mafaldine, malloreddus, mandala, marrile, mezzani, mezze maniche, mezze penne, mezzi bombardoni, nuvole, paccheri, passatelli, pasta el ceppo, penne, penne ricce, picchiarelli, pipe rigate, pizzoccheri, quadrefiore, radiatory, ricciollini, ricciutelle, rigatoncini, rigatoni, rombi, rotelle, sagnette, sagneralli, sedani, spirali, strapponi, strozzaperti, testaroli, tortigiloni, treccioni, trenne, trofie, trottole, tuffoli, vesuvio, cencioni, corzetti, fainelle, fogile, d'ulivo, orecchiette, acini de pepe, alphabet pasta, anchellini, anelli, anellini, armonie, conchigliette, corquilettes, coralli, corallini, cuscussu, ditali, egg barley, fideos, filini, fregula, funghini, gianduietta, grano, gramigne, grattini, grattoni, margerthine, merletti, midolline, occhi di passero, orzo, pastina, piombi, ptitim, puntine, quadrettini, sorprese, stelle, stortini, tripolini, agnolini, agnolotti, caccavelle, canneloni, cappelletti, caramelle, casoncelli, casunziei, conchiglioni, culurgiones, fagottini, lumache, mezzelune, occhi di lupo, pansotti, ravioli, rotolo ripieno, sacchettoni, tortelli, tortelloni, tufoli, canederli, donderet

Debunking the existence of females

"FEMALES" DON'T EXIST!!!!!!😱😱 A "FEMALE" is a fake person designed by the 🤮GOVERNMENT🤮 to enslave men!!!!😱😱😱😱😱 PROOF👉👉 "FEMALE" stands for; F ake E ngineered MALE !!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱 So be 😰😰CAREFUL😰😰 around someone who claims to be a 😡😡"FEMALE"😡😡 because they might be a 😱SPY😱 sent by the 🤮GOVERNMENT 🤮 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 If you 😡DONT😡 farward this to 20 👨‍🦱people🧒 😨LITTLE TOMMY😱 will crawl out of your sink and eat Your eyeballs 👁️👁️ 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

I didn't ask

You didn't ask? That's amazing, are you a dictator? A god? The most important person in the world? No? Then why would you say that like it matters? "I come out as a homosexual, this is really hard for me and I hope you respect that." "Did I ask?" no, you did not ask, we couldn't care less if you asked, you are nothing compared to the universe. Do you think your opinion holds a higher meaning than anyone else's? You could've said anything, something creative, even an ok or you not saying a word would be better than the phrase "Did I ask?" we get it, you never asked, but did anyone ask about you asking? Even if you said that you traveled the world to find out who asked, who asked you to do that? You didn't ask for their opinion, but nobody asked if you care at all. You aren't creative or smart. Even a caveman grunts and ooga boogas would be better than that phrase. Now stop pretending to be a god and go back to school to learn how to respect people

Beach adventures with daddy

today🌄 me👧🏻 🙈💁🏻 and my daddy👱🏿‍♂️ 😍💯👫 went➡️ to ➡️ the beach ⛱😍👙 Daddy👱🏿‍♂️ 😍💦👫 said 💬 that I👧🏻🙈 looked 👀👅 really😂 hot 😍🔥 in my 🙈 cute😍 pretty💁🏻‍♀️ pink 💖 princess 👑 bikini 👙👀👅 and that I👧🏻 💁🏻💖😍 was making😳 daddy 👫👱🏿😍 really💢💪 hard 🍆💦👀👅 he👱🏿‍♂️ was angry 😡😡😩 at me👧🏻 😍💁🏻😩💦 for making🥵 his big💪 daddy👱🏿‍♂️ dick 💦🍆🍆🍆 hard 💪💢🍆 in public ⛱😳🙈🙈 Daddy👱🏿‍♂️ said 💬👱🏿💦 "I'm👱🏿‍♂️ gonna punish🍑👋😩 you👧🏻, princess👸🏻" 👀😩💦🍆 I👧🏻💁🏻‍♀️ didn't know 🙈👅 what he👱🏿‍♂️ was gonna do 👀😂💦 but I 💁🏻💕 was excited🙈 👀😃💦 💭💭 he said 💬👱🏿💖 "lay🛏️ down👇, princess👸🏻," 💬👑 "lay🛏️ down👇 on the hot🥵😍 sand🏜️" ⛱🔥 So I👧🏻 did 💁🏻 😩👅 it was 👍💦 sooo hot 😩🔥🔥 and daddy 👱🏿🙈 said💬👱🏿‍♂️💦 that I👧🏻💁🏻‍♀️ stay👇 there 😩💦 for 2️⃣ hours 😞😳 in the blazing🔥 heat 🔥🔥 of he sun 🔥☀️☀️ 😩😩 with no 🙅🏻❌ sunscreen ⛱😩🔥💦😞 "Daddy," 😩💦👱🏿👱🏿 I begged 😩👀💬 "please, no" 😞😩💦🔥 Daddy said 💬👱🏿👱🏿🙈💦 "no, princess," 😳💁🏻👑 "this is your punishment," 😳😩💁🏻"you got me hard in public" 🍆😞💦 So I sat there 😩⛱ in the heat ☀️🔥🔥 feeling my soft princess skin 💅🏻 👑 start to burn 🔥😩 and go crusty 🍞 it hurt sooo bad 😩💦😞🔥🔥 but I did it 💋 for my daddy 👱🏿❤️💖💯👀 after 2️⃣ hours 🕔🕔 daddy 😂💕 finally let me 💁🏻💖😍😞 go in the shade ⛱⛅️👌 My pretty pale princess skin 😞💁🏻💕👑 was now red ❤️♨️ and peeling 📜😞😩 Why 😳🤔⁉️ would daddy 👱🏿💕 do this?😞⁉️ He took me 👫🙈 to his car 🚗🍳 and threw me 🏌💁🏻😍😍 into the backseat 🛋🙈😩😍💦💦💦 I love it when 💕💦😩👌😂 daddy is 😳🙈😍 rough with me 🙊🍑😂💦💕 I asked him 💬 😂💕 "what are you gonna do to me, daddy?" 🙈🙀😂💦💕💕 and he flipped me over 😳🙊💦 and started to fuck me 🍆💦 hard in my tight little princess ass 🍑💦🙀👑 without any lube 🙊💦😩 and my anus 🕳🔅🔆 started to tear 😩🙀💦 and bleed 💉😳 it hurt so much 😩😩😂🙀💯 but I knew 🙀🙈 that I deserved it 😩😳💦 daddy then 👱🏿🙈 came 💦💦 in my little princess ass 👑🍑🙀 and said 💬🙈 "it's not over yet princess" 🙀😳💦💦👱🏿Daddy 💕💯 flipped me 💕over again 🙈😩💦 and trailed down his black hand 🙊✋🏿 down my body 😍👗 slowly 🍝😳💦😍😍 and then pinched 👌🏻🙀some of the peeling 💯💕 burned skin😳🙊🔥 and peeled off a huuuuge strip🔥📜 of it and rolled it up in his hands 😲😩💦🙊"open up, princess" 😲👱🏿🙀❤️💦daddy said💬😍 and shoved the ball of my burned skin📜😲🙈💦😍😍 into my 💕💝little princess mouth. 🙊😷😍 it actually tasted 🍟😝 kinda nice 😇🙀💦💦 Daddy told me 💬to chew 👱🏿😳 and swallow it 😍🍝😂💦 so i did 😳🙀🙀 Daddy peeled 📜🍑 the rest of my skin off 😝😂💦💦 and we sat together 👫👷🏿 in the car 🚗 eating my crusty princess skin 👌🍆😂 it was so romantic 💕❤️😍 I love my daddy 💯💦😍💕💕 And then he locked me in the car 👌😳💯🚗 alone 🙀 to burn 🔥 and die🙃 💦🙀💕💕😩😂🍆💯💯😍😍💖💖💖😂💓💓💓💗💗💝💗💞💗💋💟💗💟👌🍆💯💯😛😛💕💕💦👅👅

HAPPY THOTSGIVING

HAPPY THOTSGIVING 💦🦃🍴👅 TURKEY ISNT THE ONLY THING GETTING STUFFED 👌🏻👈🏻👅😩 UR MY FAVORITE HO 👭🍑💦❤️ ❤️IM SO THANKFUL 2 HAVE A FILTHY SLUT LIKE U IN MY LIFE 🍆💦🍂 🍂SEND THIS 2 🔟 OF THE NASTIEST 👄💃🏽 PILGRIMS U KNO OR YOU WON'T GET ANY 💦💦GRAVY💦💦 🦃😩😏 IF U GET 3 BACK THEN U REALLY A HO 👌🏼👌

Omicron variant

🚨ALERT ALERT🚨 📢📢 😂 📢 OMICRON VARIANT IS HERE 😱GET READY FOR THE 😷 😷 PANDICKMIC 2️⃣⏺0️⃣!!! 🚨 all you badass bitchterium sluts 🦠🦠🦠 💦 the CD-Semen officially DICKlared 🤒 Omicron a Variant 😵 of CUMcern 😮😮 so you know what that means! 🦠 😂 🦠 Getting 😷 cumantined 🙌 with your boys, spraying your 💦 oral secretions 💦 on your hoes 🍑 getting choked so hard you 💥 🍑 EXPLODE. 💦 💥 🍆 💥 🍆 💥💦🦠 President HOE 👨🏼‍🦳 Biden put a Travel Ban ❌ in full effect 👊🏼 from South ASSrica 🇿🇦, THOTswana 🇧🇼😂, LesotHOE🇱🇸➡️ ☣️ and several other AfriCUM nations‼️‼️ Hop off that plane ✈️ and hop 🔛 this dick! 😂 🍆 😷 If you wanna get dicked 🍆 down by 🍑 🙌 dat BOOSTER SHOT🙌 send this to 19 of your dirtiest whores. 👀 👀 Or else you’ll get 🍆BUTT FUCKED 🍆 by Dirty Dr. Fauci 😱😱😱

Rawr x3 *nuzzles*

Rawr x3 *nuzzles* how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o *notices you have a bulge* o: someone's happy ;) *nuzzles your necky wecky*~ murr~ hehehe *rubbies your bulgy wolgy* you're so big :oooo *rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy* it doesn't stop growing ·///· *kisses you and lickies your necky* daddy likies (; *nuzzles wuzzles* I hope daddy really likes $: *wiggles butt and squirms* I want to see your big daddy meat~ *wiggles butt* I have a little itch o3o *wags tail* can you please get my itch~ *puts paws on your chest* nyea~ its a seven inch itch *rubs your chest* can you help me pwease *squirms* pwetty pwease *sad face* I need to be punished *runs paws down your chest and bites lip* like I need to be punished really good~ *paws on your bulge as I lick my lips* I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk *unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow* you smell so musky :v *licks shaft* mmmm~ so musky *drools all over your cock* your daddy meat I like *fondles* Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe *puts snout on balls and inhales deeply* oh god im so hard~ *licks balls* punish me daddy~ nyea~ *squirms more and wiggles butt* I love your musky goodness *bites lip* please punish me *licks lips* nyea~ *suckles on your tip* so good *licks pre of your cock* salty goodness~ *eyes role back and goes balls deep* mmmm~ *moans and suckles*

I am a microwave

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEEP

Your mother and I

Listen, Mark, let me break it down for you. Your mother and I have a relationship thats all about the master/slave dynamic. When I said she was like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal possible way. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it was because we were getting a puppy? That was a lie, son, truthfully your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around in the backyard. Shes usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, the whole thing was her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture... She once took a full sizes, adult-woman shit in my Dockers. Your mother is one fucked-up slut, and I love her, son, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankley? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to fuck it out of her.

I can relate!

After watching squid game, I thought Koreans were made up, but then I saw one in real life and I couldn't believe my eyes 😯. I walked up to it and asked it to be my Gganbu. It seemed confused, and I explained that it was Korean, like from squid game, to which it replied "Dude, I'm Filipino". After he introduced himself as "Phillip Inyo", I told him my Korean name was Saegin ​​Geum, so he'd feel more comfortable with me. He gave me a weird look, and told me to leave him alone. This confused me, but I then realized that I had to show him how well endowed I was with Korean culture (after watching squid game in sub 😌 instead of dub 🤢, I feel that I have a strong grasp of Korean culture 🇯🇵)! As he walked away, I ran up and blocked his path, and announced that I challenged him to a round of squid game! I noticed that he looked rather confused, or even scared, so I whipped out my Samsung phone (also korean btw) and played the squid game theme as I ran up to him and attempted to tackle him. He yelled at me to "get off him" and called me a "racist prick", which I didn't remember from squid game (I watched it in sub 😌 instead of dub 🤢 because I am cultured, so I would have remembered seeing it). Afterwards, I was approached by another Korean in a police uniform! He then claimed I was "under arrest" for "assault". It was at that point that I realized he must be a guard, just like from squid game! I asked him why he was out of his squid game uniform, to which he replied "I'm Japanese, you moron" (idk why all these Koreans are introducing themselves, but they're very polite! 😊). After Jappa Knees put me in his police cruiser, a stunning realization hit me... I was being taken to participate in the squid games 🤩! Throughout the ride, I asked him how many other participants were going to be in the game this round, but he would either ignore me or tell me to "shut up". I also said that I wasn't in debt or anything, so I didn't really have a need for the prize money, but he continued to not respond (which I understood, he must have been a circle guard or something). After we got to a building that said "police station" (which isn't Korean, I know because I watched squid game in sub 😌 and not dub 🤢, so I can tell Korean words apart from English words), I had my photograph taken (just like in squid game!) and was put in a cell, with a few other contestants. While I waited for the first game to begin, I asked the other contestants how much debt they had accumulated. After hours of asking them and not getting a response, they all started to beat the absolute shit out of me. That's when I realized that the first game had begun! Before I could fight back though, one of the guards came in and broke up the fight. I noticed that no one had died yet, so I tried asking the guards what the prize pool was at, to which they told me to "shut up" (I watched the squid game show in sub 😌 instead of dub 🤢, so I could tell that "shut up" was not a Korean term, kinda sus). After spending a couple days in there, they said I was free to go, which made me sad because that means I had missed out on the prize money 😔. That just goes to show that I just wasn't prepared for the squid games. A few days later, I got a letter about a "court date". I was thrilled 😁! I called the number on the front and told them I would like to participate in the squid games again! I was also sure to mention that I watched the show in sub 😌 instead of dub 🤢, to which they then abruptly hung up on me (just like in squid game!). My "court date" is about 1 week away, and I'm so excited! This time, I'm gonna be sure that I'm ready to eliminate whoever is there for that big cash reward! Wish me luck 👍!

Santa Claus is cuming

Here 💦CUMS💦 🎅🏽Santa Claus,🎅🏽 here 💦CUMS💦 🎅🏽Santa Claus,🎅🏽 right down 👩🏽👸🏽slutty girl lane!👩🏽👸🏽 ❌🚫❌🚫STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!❌🚫❌🚫 Is your 👨🏻👨🏻daddy👨🏻👨🏻 not giving you enough 💦💦💦cummies?!💦💦💦 Hold up,🙅🏽🙅🏽🙅🏽 ho! It's 💦💦cummy💦💦 ❄️💦❄️SEASON!❄️💦❄️ Push✋🏽✋🏽 that 👨🏻👨🏻daddy👨🏻👨🏻 to the ⏩⏩side⏩⏩ and let a 👌🏽NEW👌🏽 father in 🏡YOUR CHIMNEY!! 🏡 🎅🏽🎅🏽🎅🏽Father CHRISTMAS,🎅🏽🎅🏽🎅🏽 the 👑👑KING👑👑 of 💦cummies!💦 That's right,👍🏼 he's been making 👧🏽little👧🏽 👧🏽girls👧🏽 squishy for 6️⃣ CENTURIES. Don't ❎❎ mind the old saying; he ONLY makes the 💦😫😫😈NAUGHTIEST😈😫😫💦girls ☁️squishy☁️! So send this to all the 😼nastiest😼 👧🏽girls👧🏽 you know and share❗️Those❗️Cummies❗️Get 0️⃣ back and you're a basic 🌑🌑coal-slinging bitch.🌑🌑 Get 5️⃣ back and you get 👅eaten👅 like 🍪cookies🍪and 👅💦slurped💦👅 like 🍼milk!🍼 Get 1️⃣0️⃣ back and 🎅🏽Santa's🎅🏽 big 🍆🍆COCK🍆🍆 will grow⏫⏫ 3️⃣ sizes inside of you!😫😩 Get 1️⃣5️⃣ back and you become Mrs. Claus, and get 🍑🍌🍆yummy 🍒🍭🍼nummy 🍼💦☁️squishy🍼💦☁️ 💧💧cummies💧💧 until next ⏩🌨☃Christmas!🌨☃

STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US

I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! My friends on TikTok send me memes, on Discord it's fucking memes, i was in a server, right? and ALL of the channels are just Among Us stuff. I-I showed my Champion underwear to my girlfriend, and the logo i flipped it and i said "Hey babe, when the underwear sus HAHA ding ding ding ding ding ding ding *takes breath* ding ding ding" I FUCKING LOOKED AT A TRASH CAN, I SAID "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY", I LOOKED AT MY PENIS, I THINK OF THE ASTRONAUT'S HELMET, AND I GO "PENIS, more like peenSUS" *takes breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

DO NOT BUT THE BTS MEAL

Please DO NOT buy the BTS meal if you don't stan them. You're preventing the actual BTS fans who have waited for months from having the BTS meal experience. Eating the sauces without understanding their significance is literally cultural appropriation and it's not okay

Phineas and Ferb, but all the verbs are replaced with "fuck" and "fucking"

There's 104 days of summer vacation And school fucks along just to fuck it So the annual problem for our generation Is fucking a good way to fuck it Like maybe... Fucking a rocket Or fucking a mummy Or fucking up the Eiffel Tower Fucking something that doesn't exist, Hey! Or fucking a monkey a shower Fucking tidal waves Fucking nanobots Or fucking Frankenstein's brain, It's over here! Fucking a dodo bird Fucking a continent Or fucking your sister insane, Phineas! As you can fuck There's a whole lot of stuff to fuck Before school fucks this fall, fuck on Perry! So fuck with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb Are gonna fuck it all So fuck with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are Gonna fuck it all! Mom! Phineas and Ferb are fucking a title sequence!

Vaporeon is breedable

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

I WANT TO BECOME A WALRUS

Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walri. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. Thank you all.

I miss the old Harambe

Straight from the zoo Harambe. Eating his food Harambe. No attitude Harambe. I hate the new Harambe. Shot by a dude Harambe. The Youtube views Harambe. Up in the news Harambe. I miss the sweet Harambe. Playing with kids Harambe. I gotta say at that time I'd like to meet Harambe. See I invented Harambe. It wasnt any Harambes. And now i look and look around and there's no more Harambes.

Infinite Poop

You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.

Japan Heart Surgeon

In Japan 🇯🇵 , heart surgeon ❤️👨‍⚕️ . Number one 😭☝️ . Steady hand😳✋️. One day, Yakuza boss 🙇🏻need 🆕 heart💘. I do operation🔪⚔️. But, mistake😱! Yakuza boss die😵😪! Yakuza very mad👿. I hide🙈 in fishing boat🐟🚣🏻‍♀️, come to America🎇🎊🇺🇸. No english🤐, no food😩, no money📉🚫💲. Darryl 👨🏿give me job🙌👨🏻‍💼. Now I have house🏡, American car 🚗 , and new woman 🆕👱🏻‍♀️. Darryl 👨🏿save life⛑. My big secret🙊: I kill ☠️yakuza boss on purpose😈. I good 👍surgeon. The best👌💯!

Not funny I didn't laugh

Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt

Do british people actually exist?

I mean, they must be a meme, there is a not a single thing about them. And I mean it. Let's go through the evidence: Where are they from? Not a single country in the world is named Britain. Some people say they come from England, and England is inside Britain, but if that was the case they would be British they would be Englanders. Also, heard some silly theories about them coming from whales. Guys, no, whale people do not exist. Whales live in the sea. There is a consensus on British people coming from Europe, but then we are left with a whole continent of possible locations. That's as good as nothing. What do they eat? Every country has at least one main dish. Even the US has their burgers. But these British people, what do they eat? Heard some people associating them with tea, but everyone knows that's an Asian thing. Shouldn't they come from Europe? One of these two points must be wrong them. To me, it looks too sketchy. What language do they speak? I challenge you, putting all my money and my ass on the line here, to find a supposed ""British"" person speaking their native language. Most of then just speak a broken ENGLISH. Yes, english. Really suspicious, huh? And I even tried to look deeper into it. Maybe british just SOUND like english, just like spanish could sound like portuguese for a non-speaker. So I looked up "british dictionary on google" and what I found was shocking: every word in there was AMERICAN. I kid you not. What this could mean is beyond my capabilities, but I can safely assure you that british people do not exist .

It's all ogre now

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

You Give Me Cancer

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

Girl Gamer

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~

Touch Grass, Gamers

"touch grass" is not an insult towards gamers, rather it is advice for them. When participating in intense periods of gaming, the human hand has a tendency to get sweaty. The sweat causes the hand to become slick, and it b becomes more difficult to retain a grip on the gamers gaming mouse, thus making it more difficult to perform well in intense gaming moments. By touching grass with the gamers hand, the grass will impart a layer of particulate onto the gamers hand, the particulate can be made of a variety of dusts, dirts and other natural matter. This particulate will then act in a similar form to climbers chalk, absorbing the sweat and drying out the gamers hand. With dry hands, the gamer can now perform to their maximum when gaming. This is why when an enemy or teammate tells you to touch grass, they are simply trying to assist you in performing better.

You're not "Based"!

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?

DO IT, just DO IT!

Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just. DO IT! Make. your dreams. COME TRUE! Just… do it! Some people dream of success, while you’re gonna wake up and work HARD at it! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you’re not gonna stop there. NO! What are you waiting for? … DO IT! Just… DO IT! Yes you can! Just do it! If you’re tired of starting over, stop. giving. up.

helo my name is dongerino pasterino

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ, i am 69 year old donger from imaqtmeatloaf’s stream . 420 years ago i was kidnapped and put into a donger concentration camp for 9001 years. 1 year ago, imaqtlasagne and imaqtpie invaded the camp and rescued me. now i work as teacherino, passing down the wisdom of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) to young dongers.

Friend Zone

˙ʇı ןןɐɔ noʎ ɹǝʌǝʇɐɥʍ ɹo ,ɐʇǝq, pǝɹǝpısuoɔ buıǝq ɟo ʞɔıs ɯ,ı ˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ ʎɹɔ oʇ ǝɯ oʇ ʞןɐʇ ʎןuo puɐ ‘ʇıɥs ǝʞıן ɯǝɥʇ ʇɐǝɹʇ oɥʍ sʎnb bɐqǝɥɔnop ɹǝʇɟɐ ob sʎɐʍןɐ sןɹıb ǝsǝɥʇ puǝ ǝɥʇ uı ˙ʎpɐן,ɯ ɹoɟ buıɥʇʎuɐ op pןnoʍ puɐ ‘qoظ ǝɔıu ɐ ʞɹoʍ ‘ʎnb ǝɔıu ɐ ɯ,ı ˙ǝuoz puǝıɹɟ ǝɥʇ uı ʇnd buıǝq sʎɐʍןɐ ı ɯɐ ʎɥʍ

Hey Faggots

My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on Facebook. Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

Attack Helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

M&Ms Battle Royale

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?

I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.